In a healthy family, the oldest child is the most likely child to emulate the parents. Even in a two-child family, the roles can shift back and forth (according to the Wikipedia article, families in which the children’s roles change and shift are called Balkanized families–this alludes to the constantly shifting loyalties and borders of the Balkan countries in Eastern Europe). I really want to know how the author thinks that the scapegoat in this dysfunctional family gets to live happily ever after.

So I assumed the caretaker role again, when mum became ill again and support for my dad. I found out more than a decade later and then seeked help with a therapist and all my assumptions about my issues and how I have always felt they have something to do with my mother have. No response. I’ve tried to maintain links with my sisters but it has become impossible. He was scared, and I understand it because I have been as well.

It is the ‘silent abuse!’ I really like how you’ve described it.
I have seen a change in myself. David, wearing the glasses, stands above her. While the rest of us had eyes in the front of our heads, she had eyes on the sides, like a rabbit or a deer, like prey, always on the lookout for danger. They have me thinking I need to see a therapist. Hi, I’m glad you found my blog and found this article resonated. Having got free (though still haunted and struggling to recover in therapy) I do not intend to return to a closed climate (my British upper class family of origin is like a cult , and a powerful enemy) of toxic emotional abuse. This is a very common story Lucy. When the moment came, the decision was quite easy. They do not depend on criticism, body shaming, guilt-tripping, and other dark manipulative techniques to create broken, insecure, self-effacing, and anxious children. It is very hard to keep one’s self-esteem in tact after having experienced the absolute horror of family scapegoating. Since then, GC-N sister has tried to use my two sons to rope me back in. How does the narcissistic child treat their siblings? I hope anyone reading this article knows that everything they are as an individual is enough. I feel like at different times my mothers would switch her favorites between the three daughters..which has made it very confusing all my life, until I was finally left in the the scapegoat child position when I left for good. I think that occurring has had a negative emotional effect on me ever since. She was Un loving, critical a nd demanding. I think that might have been the best week of my life.

It is an unbelievable abuse.

The scapegoat child strikes blow upon blow to the narcissist’s ego when they point out that the golden child isn’t so wonderful, is floored, troubled, and mean. It was as if he had slipped into a catatonic fugue state. Scapegoated adults are talked badly about by the family and not invited to family functions. Also, people with pure ASPD, though more likely to be criminals or involved in illegal activities, tend to be less emotionally abusive than people with NPD or even BPD.

The Clown/Mascot attempts to divert attention away from the family dysfunction (and also get attention for themselves) by making light of everything. I was totally alone in the world. Thank you so much!

I call it the, “Silent Abuse”. Constantly asking for money. And of course, she gets the most out of it when she can make sure I get devalued in the eyes of my mother as she longs to have the golden child position, which, omg, I am so so happy to give away. I never spoke of the sexual abuse because I felt that no one would believe me and I would be the one who was punished. But she also didn’t want me to be too good at something, at least not better than her. You are very brave. – NarcMagNet69x96. They even end up sacrificing their choices to take up the choices of their parents. When the scapegoated child challenges the narcissistic illusion, they are pummelled, turned against, lied about, and smashed down by the narcissistic child to the narcissistic parent, who just goes along with it. Which kid loves studying? Things really got bad when the GC brother and I became partners in a business about 35 years ago. So, the response, whether that be no contact, or continued contact is often made in regard to just how malignant the situation is. and my parents don’t like that at all but it’s been life changing for me., Thanks for your link. Unlike other kids, he or she is extremely excited about going to school and taking part in competitive events that they love. But older brother, the golden child, who had moved back in with our parents years before, commented that we had returned a couple days early, and he was disappointed that I hadn’t kept her longer. I believe it helped having a father who was completely different, warm and empathetic, but unfortunately it took him years to stand up for himself. God bless! The golden girl got the entire inheritance.

Thank you for the affirmation. And still, from that point onwards it still took me another decade to REALLY fully understand the impact. Thank you Calista.

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